The States Avenue Ferry

States Avenue. You wouldn't think it's possible to get there with your first monopoly roll. That's because it's not: Jeff rolled a 4 and landed us on income tax right off the bat. He followed up that killer roll with a big winning decision, which was to pay $200 instead of 10% of our money, which would have been $150.

Unfortunately, there is no States Avenue in NYC, where I was at the time. Google was no help, since a search for "State Bar" will only get you a bunch of lawyers. In Houston, there is a State St but it houses only Sam's Motorcycle Sales and the Houston Police Officer's Union. Neither sounded like a good place to get a beer (or have an adventure, for that matter), so some creativity was obviously required. We contemplated drinking at the State University of New York or buying Allstate insurance, but ended up with something much better.

We were on a bit of a time crunch. It was sunday night and my flight back to Houston was monday at 6. We had tickets to the crown of the Statue of Liberty for monday at noon, so we were pretty much limited to monday morning. The very best time for adventures.

January 3rd dawned bright and clear. John and I were up at 7:00, ready to get our drink on. To get in the adventuring mood we started off with two shots of rum from ice shotglasses, and headed out to seek our fortune.... on the State 'n Island Ferry. Most of the people who take the

ferry to Staten Island live there.

This is especially true at 8:30 on monday morning.

The ferry was occupied by 10 people who had clearly just finished a graveyard shift, plus me and John. So as the ferry pulled away to take us to "pretty

much New York", we were certainly the only ones cracking beers. We started a sleeping asian woman half to death when we asked her to take this picture.

The way back was more crowded (just like lost, most people are trying to get off the island), but we probably stood out more. The line at the snack bar went something like this: "Gimme a coahfee and a donut"... "Gimme a lahge coahfee and a bagel"... then I order two tallboys of Beck's and a can of pringles. Before you ask, they were delish.

After that it was pretty standard. We did what most drunk people do in New York. Go to the top of the Statue of Liberty (STATEue of Liberty) and take pictures.

Manhunt for Marvin

We ended up paying the rent for Virginia
- $160

and rolling the dice:
6 to Free Parking
9 to Marvin Gardens

Chap, Idogg, Kyle, and I wanted to pick this one up in NOLA with a backdrop of Mardi Gras and Hussar's bachelor party so we did some studying and found Marvin the top bartender in N'Orleans.

http://www.nola.com/bar-guide/index.ssf/2009/07/the_carousel_bars_marvin_allen.html

Late Friday night Chap and I decided to scope the Carousel Bar. We grabbed drinks from friendly bartender dude who informed us that Marvin did not work nights.

So, the next day after walking to Baton Rouge for lunch and visiting with a hitchhiker from Oregon with a penchant for Natty Light tall boys and making fun of Chapman and I, the four of us headed back to the Carousel.

No Marvin in sight but fortunately we caught our friendly neighborhood bartender again who pointed out that Marvin was just about to star in a radio show at the back of the bar. Yep, Marvin is that big time.

The plan was to wait him out, find out his favorite restaurant in the garden district, and then head there. In the meantime, we spun around on a carousel, sipped our Pimm's Cups (damn fine drink by the way), asked the bartender to speculate on Marvin's dining preferences, and came up with a modified plan.

So, an hour and a half later when Marvin walked directly up to Chapman and I and asked if we could do him a favor we took it as a sign from the gods of the playground that we were meant to purchase this property that way. We would get out of our seats so that he could climb over the bar in exchange for
A) the name of his favorite restaurant in the garden district and
B) four cherry gardens

Marvin had never heard of his cherry garden so we had to tell him the ingredients and he set out to work.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyg4NLggrFY (Fair warning: Maria is slightly hotter than Marvin was)

Quick taste test from Marvin: grimace. Taste test from the rest of us: even more grimaces. Marvin added some club soda to temper some of the artificial cherry flavor but even then I don't recommend tasting Marvin's gardens.

And it turns out our other friendly bartender was correct: Marvin's favorite garden district restaurant was a Chuy's-like Mexican place.

After shaking Marvin's hand, chatting him up, and filling him in on our adventure we actually had Marvin be our game's first guest roller:

+ $50 and Marvin Gardens
6 to Short Line

Next up: Bourbon Street, 4 Loko, Marvin's favorite restaurant in the garden district, and laser tag with strippers.

So if you are ever in New Orleans, I recommend drinking a Pimm's Cup and visiting with Marvin (tell him Jeff and Chapman say hello). But I dont really recommend Marvin's taste in Mexican (Kyle had fun climbing a tree and trying to cut down the restaurant's decorations though.

Pursuing Pacific

So you start talking about male strip shows and all of the sudden everyone has a 7 AM meeting... except JWan.. props for stepping up even though he wasn't in the original cast.

Fortunately a Shell happy hour and multiple beers managed to convince Chapman that this was a good idea.

So cruisin' in the escape, rockin' the purple mood lights, I pick up Chap and head to the rendezvous point, Inversion Coffee, in Montrose. We have some time to kill so I grab a Cherry Bomb Choco Coffee and we take to reading Men's Vogue (yeah, I brought the magazine our old buddy Chris subscribed to). Page of Dude Modeling. Flip page. Dude Modeling. Flip Page. Dude. Dude. Dude.

JWan makes an entrance and we peace out to JRs. Bam! Dude in Tightie Greenies in my face.

We head to the back and grab ourselves some cold ones. Conversation hits typical nerd stuff: Apple computers, transition effects, boobs. Can't stop staring at the tvs: left side: obscure one hit wonder dance band with super hot, scantily clad female lead singer; dead ahead: shirtless, pantless dude doing crunches. Occasionally takes a break to rub hand seductively down abs into underwear then back to crunches. To the right: tv duplicating whats to my left. I try to look out of my peripheral vision.

Cute chick walks over to the other end of the bar. Consider walking over then notice manly chick half-way down the bar. Not worth making that mistake.

11 o'clock and we head to the front for the show. Chap and JWan kindly give me the best seat right next to the stage.

Fifteen minutes pass. No strippers.
Drag Queen lip sings four songs.
Good songs. I approve. No strippers.

Drag Queen makes jokes. More Songs. Fewer Strippers.
Can this get any gayer?
Drag Queen lip sings "Its Raining Men." Yes. No Strippers.

Drunk Chick requests Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love of All"
Drag Queen sings about the children of my future.
WTF? Where are the strippers?

Chap and I discover bar game Drank 2 Much the Uncensored Edition: Office Party gone horribly right and now we must help our digital lady friend walk a straight line and shed clothes along the way.
Points for plot and originality.
Much failure until we team up and figure out the trick.
7th Place and full frontal animated glory, bitches.
Most action Ive seen in months.

Its past midnight and time to head home. Yep, the only stripping we saw at an amateur stripping contest at a gay bar was a cartoon inebriated lady.
Awesome.

But I dont hit the hay (no 7 am meeting for me) so I decide to watch the 2nd episode of the American version of Skins. This one is about the British Maxxie's - the popular, gay male dancer - American replacement character, Tea, the hot lesbian cheerleader (God Bless America!).

And just to round out an evening well spent, I have a viewing of Chapman's Mom's greatest film, Lesbian Bukkake 2 (God Bless Japan and America!)


New Player Alert
Congrats to JWan for successfully completing his inaugural event. The voting committee now officially recognizes him as an eligible player to acquire properties.

Board Progress
+$50 for JDawg's attendance
7 Spaces to Luxury Tax.
-$100
+12 Spaces
+$200 for Passing Go
Connecticut Avenue.

We're going to need some help from out-of-towners on this one. Houston and Austin both have Connecticut streets but they are both pretty residential and I didn't have much luck with googling Connecticut, Houston, restaurant.

Bed Time. Need to get up in three hours for my 7 AM meeting.

Closing Quote
From an article about war profiteers in Kenya in Men's Vogue Sept 2008 (Eli Manning is on the cover):
Questions North Korean government officials asked one profiteer looking to invest in North Korea:
"Would investors sell North Korea's bonds if a power-plant failure resulted in, say, the destruction of a small town? Would the price of the bonds drop? Could the government then buy them back at a discount?"

The Hunt for Indiana Ave

So I promised the chronicles of Indianas:

Our story was fraught with failure as the gods of the temple of doom were against us. Using Kyle's plan of dressing like Indiana Jones, the Houstonites (and by that I mean the ones that still go out [Failure]: Jeff, Liz, and Chapman) planned to meet at a teetotalling mexican restaurant on Indiana and then head to a bar on Indiana next door to Rudyards, aptly named the Next Door. Unfortunately Liz conveniently forgot to dress like Jr.and the restaurant did not serve dates [Failure x2]. Halfway through the meal we noticed that the table next to us had wine as the place was BYOB making it a drinking establishment [:(]. Next up we headed to Chaps to get an outfit for Liz. In the meantime, we tried to recruit not-Jwan as we were noticeably lacking in the Short Round department and Jane because she complains that I never visit but both let us down like the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Onward we headed to the Next Door where the bartender (not Marion Ravenwood) seemed flabbergasted by our request for a Snakebite (it had to be snakes) [a shot of whiskey, tequila, and tabasco] but we bargained with him until he eventually gave us the shot and his version of the drink (guiness and cider). Fortunately the locals seemed unbothered by our attire and we were able to blend in with the urban crowd. Soon Liz took down a trophy elephant and I secured my crown as the master cow hunter while both drunk and sober [Failure].

We had planned to double team this one with Kyle and Idogg so I texted them at that point but apparently Ian's friends travel by biplane and were delayed likely by arrow-wielding natives [Failure].

With our trophy and extra $50 secure we headed off since Chapman and I had to wake up early for the Galveston triathlon.

The tale must continue however. We are currently on the hunt for Pacific. Ive heard much enthusiasm from the ladies for JRs. After extensive research on their website (its like my very own Lady Gaga channel on itunes that I dont have to pay for), Ive learned that they have stripping nearly every night of the week. As such, Id like to suggest what shall heretofore be known as "Strip Club Night": the ladies head to JRs to collect our properties and the gentleman head to another house of ill repute.

What do you all say?

And now, I would like to leave you with what I think to be my favorite review of JRs on Yelp:
"If things haven't changed too much they may still have Karaoke on Sundays. They also have dick dancers. I spent a couple of christmas days there. That is a great day to go, its perfect for those avoiding family but wanting to feel like they aren't on christmas."

A Late Beginning

So the Monopoly Adventure Crew is three months into our goal of partying and drinking at the 26 different  locations which can be purchased on a Monopoly game board.  As more and more people have been joining us and the legendary times keep be shared with others, the Game Master declared we should have a better home to share our stories.

Enter this free blog.

Over the next weeks we will be working on adding the stories of the seven locations that have been completed (States Ave, Indiana Ave, Pacific Ave, Connecticut Ave, Marvin Gardens, Short Line Railroad, and Oriental Ave).

We are currently on St. James Place... waiting for the next group of adventurers to go out and claim it.
- Ian and Kyle